


When it Rains it Pours.

by Imjusthereforthelolz



Category: SKAM (France), SKAM (TV) RPF
Genre: Angst, Established Relationship, Happy Ending, Hurt/Comfort, I promise, M/M, Make Up, Panic Attack, Post Season 3, They will be happy again, They will be okay again, breakdown - Freeform, fight, i miss them, i miss those cute little mecs, ish, sad boys
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-04-27
Updated: 2019-07-18
Packaged: 2020-02-07 05:37:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 11,212
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18614227
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Imjusthereforthelolz/pseuds/Imjusthereforthelolz
Summary: Today has not been a good day…Lucas had so much stress building up these past few weeks it was bound to explode eventually.He knew it was unhealthy but he had always buried his emotions and frustrations down until he was filled it the brim, and the simplest thing would set him off on whoever was around.Unfortunately this time the only person around was Eliott...





	1. I’m done.

**Author's Note:**

> The boys will be okay again dont worry!   
> I dont have it in me to leave them sad for too long haha! 
> 
> This is the second time I’ve written anything ever so please be gentle!!   
> Im sorry if there are any mistakes i don’t have any experience writing so I’m not very good and I’m sure there are ton grammatical errors but i tried my best haha   
> Writing is actually really fun, knew lol 
> 
> I’d love if if y’all left a comment if you feel like it! 
> 
> Thank you for reading!   
> ❤️

Today has not been a good day…

Lucas had so much stress building up these past few weeks it was bound to explode eventually. His professors were pilling on more and more work every day, his Internship at the research lab doing the same thing, and if he didn’t get that work done he knew how easily he could be replaced. His mother had relapsed last week after an untimley visit from his father. He hadn’t be able to visits her in weeks which pooled guilt and shame in his stomach every time she sent a bible verse to his phone. 

All of this stress built up over the past few weeks making it impossible for him to get more then 5 hours of sleep a night if he was lucky. He knew he should talk to Eliott about what’s bothering him but he told himself...

Eliott has enough going on he doesn’t need your problems Lucas. Dont bother him.

He knew it was unhealthy but he had always buried his emotions and frustrations down until he was filled it the brim, and the simplest thing would set him off on whoever was around. Unfortunately this time the only person around was Eliott. 

On this particular day his cup was about to overfill and he could feel it from the moment he woke up. 

He woke with a start, the nightmare that had ruined his night sleep fading from his memory with every calming breath he took. He lay there for a moment trying to settle his racing heart clenching his fists over and over trying to still their shaking. He looked at the phone on his night stand, 6:45 wasn’t such a ridiculous time to wake up and he knew there was no chance he could go back to sleep.

Eliott’s arm was wrapped securely around his waist which most morning gave his a strong sense of comfort and safety but on this morning, which started off on the wrong foot the moment he opened his eyes, he just felt irritated at the pressure and a little suffocated from Eliott’s body heat. 

Sliding the heavy arm off his body as gently as possibly he placed his feet on the cold wood floor and padded into the bathroom. The only thing he wanted was a hot shower. 

The steaming water, washing away his worries, loosening his tense muscles, waking him up and flushing his skin pink sounded like a dream. 

The day however was not on his side. Lucas turned on the shower head and waited for it to warm up. Sticking his hand under the tap for much longer then he usually would have to but to his disappointment the water stayed freezing cold. Not mater how long he let it run no matter what direction he pointed the knob the water was like ice. 

People who willingly take cold showers dont love themselves Lucas concluded.

Lucas stepped out of the shower bitter, grumpy and even more tense from clenching every muscle against the ice water pelting from the shower head, goosebumps covering his entire body. 

Yeah, today is not going to be a good day. He decided. 

Eliott had been a saving grace that morning, hot coffee in hand waiting for Lucas while he dressed and got ready for school. 

“You woke up early today huh” Eliott mentioned when Lucas came into the kitchen. Eliott was usually the first one awake in the mornings but Lucas had beat him to it today. 

“Everything okay?” He asked gently, sensing Lucas’ bad mood

“Yep. I’m fine. just woke up early is all.” Lucas replied a little shorter then most days but he hoped Eliott wouldn’t notice. He didnt want to ruin Eliott’s day too. 

Lucas pulled a bowl and a box of cereal out of the cabinet

“The hot water isn’t working by the way.” Lucas said grumpily. 

“Oh yeah I forgot to tell you, the building manager came by yesterday while you were in class? They are working on the boiler so it wont be on until this afternoon” Eliott said while pouring himself a second cup of coffee. 

Lucas set the box of cereal down on the counter harder then was probably needed to and sighed. 

“Well thanks, for telling me.I love cold showers first thing in the morning.” Lucas said not even trying to hide the edge in his voice this time as he walked over to the fridge. 

Eliott turned towards him his eyebrows pulled together taking raking his eyes over Lucas the dark circles under the shorter boys eyes had become more and more noticible the past few weeks but this was the darkest Eliott had ever seen them. 

“Are you sure you’re okay?” Eliott said hesitantly not wanting to set the boy off. 

“Yes. I’m fine stop asking.” Lucas snapped opening the fridge door then slamming it shut just as quickly.

“Where’s all the milk? I thought we just bought some?” He said with a exasperated sigh. 

Eliott stood there frozen, irritation slowly seeping into him. 

“We used the last of it when we made Manson’s birthday cake remember? I forgot to get some more when I went to the store yesterday.” Eliott could sense that Lucas was on the verge and was trying to be as calm as possibly but he’s only human. He can only take so much agrivation before goes off. 

“Are you fucking kidding me.” Lucas snapped at him. 

Eliott looked at him incredulously slamming his mug on the counter   
“No, I’m not fucking kidding you.” 

“Okay great, so I had a shitty night sleep, had a freezing fucking shower, and now I dont get to eat? This is turning out to be a great fucking day! Lucas said much louder then was necessary in their tiny apartment kitchen.

Eliott scoffed at the angry boy. “Well I’m sorry, if you wanted milk so bad you should have got some yourself.” Eliott snapped back crossing his arms over his chest defensively. 

Luca threw his hands in there air in frustration.  
“I havent had time Eliott! I’ve been fucking busy, if you haven’t noticed!

“Oh I’ve noticed plenty believe me” Eliott said quietly almost to himself turning around to his coffee. 

Lucas scoffed.  
“What the fuck is that supposed to mean?”

Eliott turns around slamming his coffee on the counter so hard it spills over the top. Lucas tries not to think about the sticky liquid already starting to dry on the counter. 

“It means, you’ve been acting like a bitch for three weeks and I’m sick of it! It’s really fucking irritating to be constantly walking on eggshells around you so can you just tell me what the fuck is wrong so we can move on?!” Eliott said frustrated that Lucas wont just talk to him about his obvious problems. 

Eliott knew Lucas was having a hard time lately and he had to admit it hurt that Lucas wouldn’t tell him what was wrong and instead continued on with his bad moods. Eliott tried to do everything he could to ease the boys stress just like Lucas does for him when he’s having a bad time but Eliott can only do and take so much. 

“Oh I’m so sorry if I’m inconveniencing you with my terrible attitude! Let me put you out of your misery! I’m going to class ill see you later.”   
With that Lucas walked out of the kitchen and slammed the door for good measure.

He barely heading Eliott call out behind him   
“Have an awesome fucking day then!” 

He knew he was over reacting but he was too tired and to stressed to think rationally right now. 

——————————————-

 

His day had not gotten better. 

What started off as a terrible morning transitioned beautifully into a terrible afternoon. In the midst of Lucas dramatic exit he forgot his wallet which meant he not only did he not get to eat breakfast, but he missed lunch as well. His stomach was already churning with anger and anxiety and was getting more upset the longer he went without food.

His classes went by agrivatingly slowly, almost as if time itself decided to piss him off today. Then the cherry on top of his shitty day. Ten hours later when he was finally released from his last class of the day, it was pouring down rain. 

Lucas pullled his phone out for the first time since this morning, biding his time hoping the storm will pass. 

He had a few messages from the boys inviting him out on Friday which he promptly ignored.Friday was his only day out of class this week and he planned on spending the entire day in bed with his boyfriend… if Eliott wasn’t still mad at him by then. A message from his mom checking in on him which tightened the vice already squeezing his chest. An email from his professor about next weeks lab assignments and a missed call from his boss probably about the last reports he needed to do. 

Nothing from Eliott.

Lucas knew he was acting like a jackass. He knew it. But he could still feel the irritation buzzing under his skin and the clench in his jaw. He calmed down a lot since this morning the irritation and anger being replaced swiftly with guilt. He knew it wasn’t Eliott’s fault that he was in a bad mood and he need to tell him that as soon as he got home. 

Unfortunately the storm wasn’t letting up if anything it was getting stronger. 

Lucas sighed pulling his hood up and coat tight against his body and began the cold wet track home. 

——————————————————

Lucas opened the door silently trying to be as quiet as possible nervous to enter the apartment. 

“Hello?” He called out hesitantly unsure if he was welcome in their home 

“I’m in here” Eliott called back his tone flat. At least he doesn’t sound mad Lucas thought. 

He toed off his shoes and hung his jacket on the coat wrack to dry, running a nervous hand through his hair before heading towards the living room. 

“Hey, babe? I’m sor-“ Lucas froze in the doorway of the living room. The anger he worked so hard to force down all day instantly flooding into his stomach making his face hot. 

Eliott was sitting in the floor in the middle of the living room there papers books and crumpled up notes and art supplies covering the floor. The blankets and cushions from the couch were thrown on the ground and there were beer bottles, sodas and food from their pantry everywhere. It was a mess. 

After the initial flare up of anger his next instinct was to panic. A side effect of living with his mother through her worst episodes. He would come home to his mother in a rage at the state of his not spotless enough room or his mom on her hands and knees cleaning the kitchen floor for hours at a time until the fumes form the cleaning supplies becuase to much. Nothing was ever clean enough.

Their home, if it could be called that, felt like a hospital cold and sanitized. The doctors said it was her way of coping with her mental illness. It was something she could control. Purify. 

The smell of bleach can still spark anxiety attacks to this day. 

He has moved past the need to make everything spotless like his mother wanted in his own home. But on days like today, where he was already anxious, already irritated, already on the verge? It was just enough to tip him over.

“What the FUCK happened here?? I just cleaned the house!” Lucas exclaimed. 

Eliott looked up startled and confused at Lucas’s sudden outburst irritation at Lucas already beginning to rest on his face. 

“I had a group project in my art history class so they came over here to work on it? They just left before you got here that’s why it’s still a mess.” Eliott was trying to be calm as to not agrivate the boy further. Eliott knows that mess can make Lucas nervous and irritated especially on bad days. That’s why he kicked his project group out before Lucas got home to clean so Lucas wouldn’t have another thing to stress about. That obviously didn’t work out. 

“So? you decided that it would be fine for a bunch of random people to come to our house, trash it out, and then leave the mess for me to clean up the second I got home? Are you fucking kidding me Eliott??” 

Eliott hated when Lucas said his name like that, like he was a child that neeed to be scolded. 

“Did I ever say, one time that you had to clean this mess up Lucas?” Eliott shouted at the younger boy. 

“Of course I’m going to clean it up! But, like I said, they just left! I haven’t had a chance to yet!” 

“Yeah, thats what you always say! ‘You havent had the chance’ and then I have to fucking clean it up!!” Lucas was full on shouting at this point not holding back. Deep in his mind, in the rational part of his brain, he knew he was over reacting he knew he was being horrible and childish. But that part was being suffocated by anxiety and anger and exhaustion.

“When have I ever done that??” Elliot shouted back standing up but keeping his distance from Lucas. 

“All the fucking time Eliott!! I’m constantly cleaning up after you!” Lucas hands were flying wildly around in the air accentuating his point. His face was flushed with anger. 

“Who asked you to clean up after me? I am a grown fucking man Lucas!” Eliott spat back at him. 

“Well you don’t fucking act like it! I have to take care of everything in the house.  
Every! Fucking! Day! becuase if I don’t, know one will!” Lucas was getting dizzy from shouting. Fighting takes a lot of energy out of him and since he was running on no sleep as it is he was started to feel his exhaustion hit him harder then it normally would. 

“Just let it go Lucas! It’s just a mess, it’ll get cleaned up! What’s the big fucking deal!! Eliott screemed back at Lucas.

“The big deal is, I’m the only one who does anything around here and I’m fucking sick of it!! You don’t want me treating you like a baby? Then don’t act like a fucking baby Eliott!!” Lucas was panting by the time he was done. His eyes glazed over in anger his hair sticking up in all different directions from pulling it in frustration. He must have looked crazy but at this point he couldn’t care less. 

“Y’a know what? I’m fucking done.” Elliot said then dropped his hands. His eyes were glazed over and his voice cracked just enough to break Lucas out of his anger. 

Lucas protective instants over Eliott flooded to the surface and he wanted nothing more to reach out to the taller boy, to hold him and kiss him and protect him from whatever made him upset. 

But the thing that made his sweet gentle boyfriend upset to the point of tears was Lucas. He was sick to his stomach he. 

They both stood there staring at eachother for a beat. Eliott stalked past Lucas making a point to avoid touching him and stomped towards the door.

Lucas stood there for a minute before turning around after Eliott. His anger had instantly deflated under the weight of Eliotts words. Fear began crawling up his through choking him.

“What does that mean?” Lucas said quietly his voice wavering. 

Eliott didnt look at him. He was tugging his shoes on roughly leaning against the door tying his laces with trembling fingers. He was muttering curses under his breath and sniffling in a failed attempt to keep his tears away. 

Lucas felt ridiculous and ashamed. He knew knew he was acting ridiculously and he knew he was being horrible. Eliott didn’t deserve to be yelled at. Nothing was his fault Lucas was just over reacting and needed to get his frustrations out somehow and his boyfriend was the only lightning rod near by. Now Eliott was crying and it was Lucas’s fault. 

“It means I’m done Lucas. I cant be around you anymore. I’m going to my parents.” Eliott said his voice cracking thick with emotion which was worse then Anger. 

“What do you-“ Lucas began his voice trembling. Lucas knew he had no right to be upset. No right to ask Eliott anything. No right to ask him to stay. But the thought of Eliott leaving after a fight like this shook Lucas to the core. 

“I’m done Lucas!” Eliott near screamed anger returning but fresh tears still falling from his grey eyes. The eyes that usual shine with love and laughter now stained with pain and tears and Lucas put them there. Eliott shoved his keys and wallet into his pockets roughing pulling a jacket on his shoulders. 

“It’s been weeks, of passve agressive comments and bitchy mornings and pissed off nights and me tip toeing around house every day so I dont start another fight and I’m fucking over it! No matter what I do you’re never happy, you’re never in a good mood around me and when something goes wrong it’s my fault and I’m just fucking done.” Elliot finished his rant exasperated not even attempting to wipe the tears from his cheeks and walked out the door not looking back at Lucas once. Slamming it for good measure.

Lucas stood there, his mouth open. His heart broken and hammering in his chest. Tears pouring from his eyes.  
What just happened.

What did he just do.   
Elliot was gone. 

He left.  
And it was Lucas fault.


	2. Breath for me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lucas stood in his living room like a statue for who knows how longs, it could have been hours it could have been minutes he had no idea, but his legs started to ache from the stiffness. He didn't notice. His brain was in self destruct mode and there was nothing he could do to stop the unending panic speeping into his chest. 
> 
> Eliott was gone

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Things are about to get rough but it’s always darkest before the dawn. They will be okay <3   
> —————————-  
> This is way longer of a chapter then I meant because I always over explain things I’m sorry haha

Lucas stood in his living room like a statue for who knows how longs, it could have been hours it could have been minutes he had no idea, but his legs started to ache from the stiffness. He didn't notice. His brain was in self destruct mode and there was nothing he could do to stop the unending panic speeping into his chest. 

Eliott was gone. 

Eliott who meant everything to him. 

Lucas had driven away the best thing that had ever happened to him. The only good thing in his life. The only person who understood him, who made him feel safe and loved. He drove him away. And for what? A bad morning and some crumpled up papers? 

Tears were falling down Lucas face as his legs collapsed underneath his weight. All feeling in his body quickly replaced but painful buzz that crawled under every inch of his skin. He sat in the middle of the living room where his world had fallen apart, in the middle of the mess he created himself. In the eye of the storm. 

Elliot left. He left me. Elliot left me. 

Over and over in his head like a broken record. 

Lucas felt everything and nothing all at once. Every feeling of self hatred, of anger at his inability to control his temper, of fear of abandonment and, all the love he has for Eliott that he would never get to express came crashing down on him. Waves and waves of contrasting emotions sinking him to the bottom of the ocean leaving him cold and numb. There was so much pressure on his chest he couldn’t take the deep breath his lungs were burning and aching for. He began panting, begging for even the smallest gasp of oxygen to ease the pain in his chest. 

Why do I drive everyone away? Why can’t I be better?

If you were a better son your family wouldn’t be so incredibly broken. If you were a better friend Yann and the guys wouldn’t tip toe around you like they have been lately, afraid of setting you off. If you were a better person Elliot would have stayed. 

Why can’t you be better Lucas? 

Lucas slapped his hands harshly over his ears desperately trying to stop the voice in his head he knew was right. He couldn’t bare it. 

 

Panic was setting in as Lucas spiraled down the dark hole of self loathing. The walls around him closing in, his lungs working harder and harder to take the smallest breath, his heart was hammering in his ears. All he could hear was the rhythmic beating that was far too fast to be normal, drowning out any sound around him.  
Lucas was trapped. 

His eyes blurring from the thick tears continuing to fall over his hot red flushed cheeks. Sobs wracked his body with such force he felt he might vomit, he pulled his knees crushing them as tight as he could against his body tucking his head between them desperately tryint to keep himself from completely falling apart.  
His hands moved to his hair and neck pulling forcefully at the strands and raking his fingernails across the sensitive skin trying desperately to ground himself.

“I don’t want to be alone” he sobbed rocking himself back in forth trying any way to ease the panic overwhelming his body and mind. 

“I’m always alone” 

“I’m always alone.”

Lucas was so far gone he was near fainting. His chest heaving violently and the blood pumping in his ears the only thing he knew. The world around him could have ceased to exist and Lucas would be none the wiser. All he knew in that moment was panic and fear. 

——————————————————————————————————-  
Eliott fully intended in leave and go to his parents house but the weather had other plans for him. Lightning and thunder cracked overhead as he stepped onto the entrance of their apartment building. Wind whipped the tree branches violently as the rain hammared the earth leaving it cold and miserable. He sat on the stairs protected from the downpour and lit a cigarette, the smoke burning his lungs and clearing his mind. He knew it was childish, to slam the door and stomp away but, when Lucas was like this Eliott felt there was nothing he could do, he can’t win and it hurts to much to see Lucas so upset with him so he ran. He’s only human. 

He took a deep inhale of the cigarette, the burning embers swirling around him only to be extinguished by the rain. 

He’ll calm down in a few hours. Tomorrow i’ll come back home and well talk it’ll be fine. He doesn’t mean it, he still loves you he’s just upset. 

Eliott knew his boyfriend had a temper but this was the worst he’s ever seen it. He ran a shaking hand through his hair unsure of what to do. He hasn’t had many fights with Lucas but a few have come up. It’s natural, they are both strong minded stubborn people and occasionally they bump heads but this… this felt different. This let like Lucas was bursting at the seams and Eliott has no idea why. He noticed Lucas had been having trouble sleeping lately. The dark circles under his eyes ever more apperant with each passing day. He seemed more and more on edge these past weeks and Eliott was dying to pry him open and figure out what storm was brewing in the younger boys mind but he figured if Lucas wanted him to know he would tell him.  
Eliott felt guilty. He knew Lucas wasn’t actually mad about the house he knew there was something more going on in his boyfriends life and he should know about it. He should be there to cheer him up and help him when he’s down, instead he screamed at him and left. 

Eliott felt horrible. 

Elliot, many times, had bouts of rage he couldn’t control. He would yell and scream at Lucas for the smallest thing he would sometimes throw stuff and slam their door and not once did Lucas leave. Sure he would fight back he would get upset but when they calmed down Lucas was always right there. Open arms and open heart forgiving Eliott before he could even apologize and now here Eliott was running away instead of being there like Lucas is for him every time. Eliott jumped up and ran up the stairs. He needed to be there for lucas now. Even if the younger boy yelled at him and said he wanted to be alone Eliott would be there when Lucas came back to him just like Lucas was every time. 

Eliott paused at their door and took a breath, shaking the nerves out of his hands and fingers. 

He slowly pushed open their front door and walked in. The apartment was deafeningly quiet. Eliott closed the door behind him and waked down the hall to the living room. Lucas may still angry but regardless Eliott would be there for him. 

“Lucas?” He called to the quiet apartment. He heard s quite whimper and sniffing. 

Eliott walked straight into the living room his boyfriends smile the only thing on his mind and how desperate he was top put it there again.

“Lucas, I’m so sorry I know how stressed you’ve been I-”

Eliott froze in the doorway to the living room. His kind, strong boyfriend, the love of his life, was breaking down in front of him and his heart shattered at the sight. 

Lucas was sobbing, rocking himself back and forth muttering to himself between each choked sob,

“I don’t want to be alone.” 

“Lucas!” Eliott’s dropped down to his knees rushing over to his broken boy. 

“Baby?” Eliott prodded gently, not wanting to scare him. Lucas’ nails were digging into his scalp and kneck so harshly Eliott was afraid he would break the skin if he didnt stop. 

Eliott gently wrapped his hands around Lucas wrists pulling them away from Lucas head to stop the boy from harming himself. He pulled both of Lucas’s hands in his own squeezing them firmling, desperalty trying to get the panicking boys attention. 

Eliott knew that Lucas had panic attacks, he’s helped him through one when a huge storm knocked out their power but this is the worst he’s ever seen

Lucas face was beat red his eyes squeezed shut tears were pouring down his face and his breathing was so fast and shallow Eliott knew he would pass out soon if he couldn’t calm him down. 

“Lucas look at me” Eliot beggged in a whispered voice. Lucas didnt register that Eliott was even there won’t him. 

Eliott put his large hands on either side of Lucas’s cheeks wipping away his tears. 

“You need to breath baby, please breath” 

Lucas head snapped up as if just realizing Eliot was there 

“Eli?” Eliott heart clenched at the small broken sound. But was happy at least Lucas mind was able to focus on something other then panic. 

“Yeah its me baby, I’m here.” Eliott stroked his cheeks as the tears kept coming.

“You- you left me... everyone….. everyone always leaves- i-... m’not good...- enough and they leave” Lucas choked out through the sobs, his voice shaky panting after each word. 

Eliott felt tears burn behind his eyes. He caused this. He didn’t think and he walked out of their door, just as so many people in Lucas life had before.  
Lucas has told him about his insecurities, about his fears of being left behind, alone in the world which Eliott promised he would never do. But here he was, comforting his boyfriend becuase he did the one thing he swore not to do, he walked away.

There was never a doubt in Elliots mind that he would come back. He could never actually leave Lucas, but Lucas didnt know that, Lucas couldn’t know know that. His mind was not thinking rationally and all he knew was Eliott had left him.  
Even though they have been together for so long now Eliott started their relationship leaving Lucas one too many times and it was his deepest regret but here he was again.

Eliott has to be better, Lucas deserves better. 

Eliott places Lucas shaking hands on his chest and covered them with his own. 

“Lucas Look at me, breath here with me, take a breath in and out.” Eliott took a deep breath hoping Lucas could copy the movement. 

“No I-...can’t- I cant do it…- I cant do it... I cant-“ Lucas cried harder his breathing picked up even faster, his eyes began glassing over and Eliott knew a few more moments and Lucas would pass out. 

Eliott gathered the terrified boy in his arms in a bone crushing hug pulling him fully over his lap. Every ounce of Lucas was pressed against Eliott’s warm body, anchoring him. 

“You can do it baby. Breath. Please Lucas, please for me, breath.” Eliott whispered the words into Lucas messy hair, kissing his damp forhead praying the boy would calm down. He rocked them gently and breathed deep and slowly so Lucas could copy his rhythm. 

Lucas tried his best. Tried to hold his breath after each short intake, one after another after another. 

It was painful and tiring but eventually his breathing evened out. His heart was still pounding in his chest, his body was still shaking uncontrollably and he was still sobbing against Eliott’s kneck but at least he could breath. 

“I’m so sorry Eliott! I’m so so sorry, I’m sorry.” Lucas sobbed against Eliotts kneck.   
Eliott shushed him, whispering soothing words of love to the boy until he was fully calm and asleep in the older his arms. 

Elliot looked down and his heart broke even more if that was possible.

Lucas face was flushed red, dried tears staining his cheeks. His neck and hands were red from being gripped so hard. Eliott wipped a gentle thumb under the sleeping boys eyes. Lucas had cried so hard red dots from broken blood vessels dotted under his eyes and on his cheeks. Eliott felt the vice around his heart clench even tighter at the sight of it. 

He let himself cry for a few moments. Watching the person he loves most in the universe break down like this was the hardest thing Eliotts ever done. He wiped his eyes and let out a breath, this wasn’t about him, it’s about Lucas. Lucas the love of his life the most loving and selfless person he’d ever known. He needed to take care of him, just as he had taken care of Eliott so many times before. He picked up the sleeping boy and carried him carefully to the couch sitting down and pulling Lucas against him. He pulled a blanket around Lucas shoulders and kissed his forehead as a silent promise that Eliott would never be the cause of Lucas pain again. 

Eliott watched Lucas sleeping in his arms. His face finally calm and peaceful. Eliott staved off exhaustion of the days events for as long as he could but with Lucas, warm and safe, in his arms he was asleep the the moment he closed his eyes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So… not exactly the nice fluffy makeup chapter you were expecting but dont worry! The next chapter is coming and its filled with the fluffy good makeup scene we so desperately need.
> 
>  
> 
> Thank you so much for reading and commenting its means a ton!


	3. Please.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eliott had left. Lucas knew that Eliott had walked out of the door and left him. He felt it in every aching breath he took the loss he felt in the moment. The sight of Elliott's back while he, walked out the door will be engraved in the forefront of his brain for the rest of his life. 
> 
> So why was Eliott sleeping under him now?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It’s here! After 4 million years its finally here! Im so sorry this took so long. I had a lot of personal shit happen all at once and I was just dealing with all that day by day (minuté par minuté lol) Ive had this Fic completely written out for the entire month its been up but I just couldn’t edit it.  
> BUT I finally finished it! 
> 
> I know this is a little short but I had to break the last part into two chapters because it was veering on 5000 words unedited and thats just a lot for y’all Lol 
> 
> I hope it was worth the wait!!
> 
> Thank you so much to everyone who has read so far and inboxed me and commented and left kudos it has honestly meant the world to me! 
> 
> Enjoy!

The neighbors in the hall woke Lucas after a few hours of sleep. Their loud voices talking of parties and hookups pulling Lucas from his much needed rest. He rubbed his eyes gently, they were sensitive and swollen from the time spent crying and his head felt like it was splitting open. He moved to sit up but felt the body underneath him hold him a little tighter. 

Eliott was here. Eliott was hugging him? 

He didn’t remember falling asleep on Eliott? He didn’t remember much from the night now that he thought about it. He felt like he just went shot for shot with Emma though who could drink him under the table any day. He felt dizzy when he moved too fast, or at all really his head and body hurt and his memory of the night was fuzzy. He must have had a panic attack. 

He goes through the same process almost every time he has a panic attack. The confusion the dizziness, the underlying sense of embarrassment and guilt check check and check. He didn’t remember much of what happened during his panic attacks usually. Maybe his brain took pity on him and blocked out the memories so he wouldn’t have to feel the residual embarrassment.

He shifted his position so he was facing Eliott. The dim city light filtering through the curtains flushing his skin a pale white almost like marble. His eyes fluttering under his lilac eyelids, his lips parted as he breathed even and shallow. He really was beautiful. 

He sat up, trying to get his bearings. The rain had quieted to a light drizzle, he couldn’t tell what time it was but by the noise on the street he guessed it was the evening. 

Cars passed by splashing rain soaked streets, people walked along the pavement laughing and talking a dog barked somewhere down the road, it sounded like a perfectly normal night. 

The longer Lucas stay there the more his mind cleared from the panic induced sleep. Remembering more and more of the evening filled with sadness and confusion.

His bad day. Coming home to a messy house. Yelling at Eliott. The fight. Eliott leaving…

Lucas froze.

Eliott had left. Lucas knew that Eliott had walked out of the door and left him. He felt it in every aching breath living that moment again. The sight of Eliott turning his back to him as he walked out the door was all that encompassed his mind.

So why was he sleeping under him now?

Lucas felt guilt wash over him as he started putting the pieces together. Eliott must have come back for a coat or something (it was pouring when he got home) and saw Lucas in the midst of his panic attack. If there was one thing he knew about his boyfriend, _if he could still use that term_ , its that he felt too much which made him care too much.He would never leave someone in that state no matter his personal feelings towards them.

The thought made Lucas stomach turn...

Eliott was only here out of pity, and Lucas wanted nothing to do with that. 

Lucas pushed Eliott's arms away from him like it hurt to be held by them, in a way it did, and walked into the bathroom. His entire body ached, his skin crawled with dried sweat and his mouth felt like a desert.

He walked in closing the door behind him locking it for good measure. He turned the light on squinting as the bright light burned his aching eyes. He looked at himself in the mirror, he was a shell.

His hair was sticking in all directions from pulling on it, his neck had marks from his nails digging into the skin, his face was pale, his eyes were red and swollen. He closed his eyes at the sight, turning on the cold water and attempting to wash the pain away form his face. The cold water cleared his mind and eased his sore skin.

As hard as he tried he couldn’t help himself. He started thinking about Eliott. About everything he had ruined. The memories of Eliott turning away from him and walking out the door without a second thought flooded to the forefront of his throbbing head. 

Lucas felt his knees go weak at the thought. Hot salty tears fell from his eyes as his heart twisted and threaten to jump out of his ribs. He squeezed his eyes shut trying to block it out of his mind but it was no use. 

 

——————————————————————

  
  


The sound of the bathroom door closing woke Eliott from his sleep. 

Blinking his eyes open he sat up with a stretch, his neck popping one too many times but he didnt care. All he cared about was his now missing boyfriend. 

He stood from the couch that was definitely not made for sleeping on and padded to the bathroom. The light was on but a small twist of the handle proved Lucas locked himself away from Eliott. 

He pressed his ear to the door. The only sound he could hear was the water running and some quiet sniffling that squeezed his heart a notch tighter. 

He knocked gently three times on the door. 

“Lucas? Are you alright” He almost whispered as if anything louder would make the boy vanish.

A few minute passed, Eliott was about to asked again when he heard a cracked and faint 

“Yeah” 

From Lucas. He was crying again. 

“Can I come in?” He asked gently resting his forehead against the cold wood door. 

“No, no I just, um. Can I have a second alone?” Lucas said through the door his voice pained.

“Yeah! yeah of course no rush whatever you need um… I’m right out here if you need me.” Eliott tried to not be upset by Lucas’ need for space. He knew how it felt after an emotional breakdown like Lucas just had and all the emotions that come with it after. Shame, guilt, exhaustion. Even though it was just Eliott, who had been seen at far worse states, he knew how Lucas felt. 

He stood there for a minute thinking of what he could say to Lucas to fix what happened last night but he thought against it. Lucas Locked the door for a reason, he wants to be alone. They can talk when he came out. 

Eliott walked in the kitchen, stomach rumbling loudly, in search of late dinner for the two. He rummaged through the cabinets, they didn’t have much and Eliott didn't want to risk burning their dinner. Pasta would have to do. 

While boiling the water and cooking the pasta sauce Eliott let his mind wander back to the fight. He felt incredibly guilty, maybe the reason Lucas was upset was a little over dramatic, but who was he to call someone over dramatic? He snaps at Lucas and gets upset with him over nothing all the time. The both know it's not always Eliott’s fault but it still happens and Luas has never held it against him. 

He was brought back to reality by the sound of the bathroom door opening. He listened while bare feet walked down the hall to their bedroom and shut the door quietly. 

He went back to the pasta, being one of the few dishes he could successfully cook alone without burning he tried to focus on the task at hand. He pulled two bowls out of the cabinet and began plating the food he turned around ready to head back to the living room when he froze. 

Lucas was standing in the doorway. He gave the shorter boy a small smile, he hadn’t heard him come out of their room, but the more Eliott looked at him his smile faltered. 

Lucas was dressed with a jacket slung over his arm and a duffle bag in his hand. 

“What are you doing?”

The shorter boy stared at him, a heartbroken expression painted across his face.

“I’m...um. I’m leaving.” Lucas spoke through a weak voice. 

Eliott stood frozen for a moment. He put the bowls on the counter before he dropped them on their white kitchen tile and made more of a mess then he had already had today. 

“What do you mean?” His voice was much steadier than he felt in that moment.

Lucas shook his head tears forming in his blue eyes and head towards the door. 

“Lucas!” Eliott shouted running after him. He caught Lucas right before he met the door grabbing his arm. 

Lucas spin around wrenching his arm out for Eliott's grasp.

“You left Eliott!” Lucas shouted with a cracked voice. 

They stood frozen in their entryway  in silence taking each other in, understanding the gravity of what was happening. Eliott wasn't brave enough to break the fragile silence but Lucas was.

“You left. And, I don’t know why you came back. But I know why you stayed. And I don't want that.” 

“I don- What do you mean?” Eliott asked nothing but confusion filled his thoughts trying to understand. 

Lucas let out a sigh his shoulders dropping in defeat. 

He spoke quieter but not with any less meaning. Each word still dripping heart-break like molasses making his voice thick

“I know you Eliott. You’re sweet and caring and you would never leave someone if they needed you… no matter how much you wanted to. I’m not going to trap you like that. I don't want you to stay here with me out of pity or duty to whatever this bullshit is but I...”

Lucas pushed out a breath his cheeks puffing out trying to hold back his tears.

“I can’t watch you leave again Eliott. I can’t do it. So many important people in my life, people I’ve loved, have walked away from me and-“

Lucas sucked in a wet breath  “

“if I have to watch you walk out that door, it will destroy me. I won’t do it I’m sorry I-“ Lucas breathing picked up again the tears he was trying so hard to hold back falling down his cheeks.

Eliott took a step towards the boy reaching out to hold him but Lucas took a frantic step back his head shaking slowly back and forth. He dropped his head unable to look Eliott in the eye anymore, his arms pinned to his sides fists clenched white.

Eliott dropped his arms but took another small step towards his boyfriend. 

“Lucas.” Eliott pleaded 

Lucas shook his head sniffling, his eyes towards the ground. 

“Lucas, look at me. Please” Eliott was desperate. If Lucas just looked at him, if he saw how sorry he was, then he could fix this. He had to fix this.  Lucas reluctantly looked up but still didn’t match Elliott's gaze, looking at every corner of the room before finally facing him eye to eye. 

His eyes were filled with pain and sadness and an overwhelming amount of desperation. Eliott was sure his eyes said the same thing.

He took another hesitant step towards the shorter boy.   
“Please, just come a- and sit down and talk to me. After that... if you still want to leave you can but just talk to me first. Please” Eliott pleaded.

An eon passed, or maybe more. Eliott stood afraid to move an inch or take a breath while Lucas stared at him, searching for something in Eliotts gaze. He must have found it because the next moment he was nodding his head.

 

“Okay.”

 

“Okay?” Eliott’s let out the breath he hadn’t realized he was holding. 

 

“Okay.”

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading! 
> 
> I’d love it if you left a comment and told me what you think! 
> 
> Chapter 4 WILL be up 1000x faster I promise 
> 
> See you at the end! ❤️


	4. So so much.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The boys finally talk it out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here it is! Finally there final chapter!  
> I’m so sorry this took so long, life and job just got in the way but i finally finished it!  
> Sorry this is so long and took so long 
> 
> I hope you like it thank you so much to everyone who’s read and commented it means so much! <3

They sat on the couch together. Eliott on one side Lucas on the other. The space between them hurt to look at but Eliott didn't dare move any closer. Lucas sat curled tightly into himself like the air brushing his skin hurt. Eliotts fingers twitched wanting to run his fingered through Lucas hair or hold his hand anything to comfort the boy. 

 

Eliott took a deep breath. 

 

“Lucas i-“ 

 

“Wait wait, can I say something first.” Lucas interrupted, his eyes closed. 

 

“Yeah yes of course” Eliott nodded silently praying this won’t be Lucas telling him this is the end. That This is their end. Tha-

 

“I’m sorry.”

 

Eliott blinked taken aback. 

 

“I know it must not have been easy to be around me these past few weeks. I know I’ve been distant and I know I’ve been kind of horrible to be around.” Eliott bit back a denial not wanting to interrupt him.

 

Lucas sat his hands in his lap playing with the loose string on the hem of his shirt. Eliott's shirt.

 

“The truth is, I haven't been handling everything very well and I took it out on you. I’m having a harder time adjusting to these advanced classes then I thought I would and I’m not even sure if I like science anymore which made me freak out about my future. I was always on uneven ground growing up and I thought I finally had my life figured out but now I’m not so sure and it scared me. Then everything with my dad and mom just...just set me over the edge.” He rushed it all out in one breath quieting in shame at the end. 

 

“When I came home and it was a mess it made me feel like my life was a mess too, that I had nothing under control which is why I got so upset. But I didn't

 mean to lash out and be so horrible to you. Never you.”

Lucas dam was starting to break. His voice becoming higher and more frantic with each labored breath he took.

 

 “You’re my best friend Eliott, you're my favorite person in the entire world and I love you so much. The best thing that ever happened to me is when you came into my life and I never wanted to do anything to mess that up but I did, I ruined it and I’m so sorry.” Lucas sobbed.

 

Eliott couldn’t resist anymore he jumped over to lucas side of the couch and pulled Lucas face in his hands. 

 

“Hey hey Lucas, shhh it’s okay.” Eliott pulled him to his chest breathing as slowly as he could. 

 

Lucas was hesitant at first but eventually clung to Eliott’s chest and sobbed into his neck.

 

“It’s okay Lucas, just breath baby. You’re okay. We’re okay.” Eliott rocked them gently murmuring sweet things into Lucas hair placing a Kiss on his forehead. 

 

“You could never ruin us Lucas ever.”

 

Eliott Whispered strongly, a few stray tears falling onto Lucas head as he carded through his hair comfortingly. 

 

“I’m here forever Lucas, I’m not going anywhere I promise. I’m so sorry I made you feel that way.” Eliott said, his voice getting thicker, emotions flooding out. 

 

Lucas knew eliott was starting to cry even with his face tucked into the taller boys neck and wrapped his arms around his waist giving him a loving squeeze. Even when Lucas is so broken down he is still worrying about Eliott and trying to comfort him forgetting about himself to make sure Eliott was okay.

 

“You do so much for me. You love me even when you’ve seen me at my absolute worst, you make me feel so safe and happier than I’ve ever been. You listen and see me and understand me even when I don’t understand myself. You make me the best Eliott in any universe and I still don't deserve you”

 

Lucas breath had calmed down but Eliott was still rocking them. Maybe to soothe himself more than to comfort his boyfriend at this point. Lucas was rubbing circles across Eliott’s back calming him. 

 

“I’m so sorry I keep hurting you.” Eliott whispered 

 

“I never want to hurt you or scare you or make you think I feel anything but absolute love for you.” 

 

Eliott placed his firm warm hands on either side of Lucas cheeks needing him too look Eliott in the eye to understand exactly how he felt. 

 

“You are the most important thing in my life Lucas. If everything else in the world is wrong as long as you're okay and you’re with me nothing else matters.” 

 

The rough pad of Elliott's thumb stroked  across Lucas flushed cheeks. 

 

 “I love you so so much. Nothing will ever change that.” Eliott said his voice steady with absolutely no room for argument. 

 

Lucas lips pulled up in a small smile his eyes clearing and sparkling blue again as they always should be, filled to the brim with love. The pain and sadness that they held mere minutes ago all but a distant memory. 

 

“I love you too” 

 

Eliott wrapped Lucas in the tightest hug he has ever given and Lucas did the same. The two crying boys sat in the silent apartment wrapped in their own world together. Eliott slowly pulled away and just looked at Lucas. 

 

“Can I kiss you?” Lucas giggled but nodded

 

“You don't have to ask.” 

 

Eliott pulled Lucas towards him the two melted together to a sweet kiss. 

They stayed there for a moment with no further intentions, no pressure to move any further than this. Just comfort and love.

 

The pulled away after a few moments with a sigh. Eliott proceeded to pepper kisses all over Lucas face making the younger boy giggle. Lucas gave him a smile his eyes sparkling with the remaining tears. Eliott sighed closing his eyes and resting their foreheads together.

 

They sat there for a moment breathing each other in. The traffic faded away in the background, the evening turning sharply into night. The world quieted around them as the streetlights shone through the curtains painting the room a warm yellow.

Eliott didn't want to break the peace but something was itching in the back of his head. 

“What happened with your parents?” Eliott whispered. Afraid of spooking the boy. 

 

Lucas looked down with a sigh. He was quiet for a few minutes Eliott thought he had forgotten his question and opened his lips to ask again.. 

 

“My mom. She had an episode. It was... pretty bad this time.” Lucas finally answered in a small voice. 

 

He pulled away looking Lucas in the eye. He took the smaller boys hands in his own giving them a small squeeze in support. 

 

“My dad went to visit her a few weeks ago and brought Josephine, the woman I told you about? Well turns out they are um getting married and my dad thought the best way to tell my mom was to take his shiny new fiance to the clinic he threw her in.”

Anger flooded Lucas face as it often did when talking about his father. Eliott pulled him closer wrapping an arm around his shoulder urging him to continue. 

 

“This episode, it wasn’t the worst but it lasted so long this time I was afraid I would never get her back.” Lucas wiped a tear off his cheek shifting farthing into Eliott’s embrace. 

 

“Her case worker Kathryn has been keeping me updated but its been a few days since I’ve heard anything so I don't know.” 

 

Eliott was shocked Lucas had kept all of this to himself for so long. He knew Lucas had been struggling but he had no idea it was about something this severe. 

 

“Is it really that bad?” Eliott asked tentatively.  

 

Lucas nodded his head he pulled his phone out of his back pocket opened it to their thread of messages and it and handed it to Eliott. 

 

He scrolled through the messages week’s and week’s of Lucas trying to reach out but only being sent verses about judgment and sin and return from his mother. 

 

Lucas was sniffling. 

 

“I’ve called a hundred times I want to talk to her and help her as best I can but I can only do so much when she’s like this. I just felt worthless”

 

Eliott recalls Lucas being on his phone more often than usual but he figured it had been something to do with Yann or one of the girls. 

 

He scrolled to the last two weeks of messages.

 

_ Tuesday 10:42 am _

 

Mama 

“Anyone who divorces his wife 

and marries another woman 

commits adultery” Luke 16:18

Lucas

How are you feeling today?

Mama 

“If we confess our sins he is 

faithfulAnd just and will forgive 

us of our sins and purify you from 

all unrighteousness” John 1:9

_ Sunday 5:38 pm _

Lucas

How about i come up this

weekend? 

Lucas

We can go to that cafe

You liked for lunch and maybe 

Take a walk Or go to a museum?

Mama

“Marriage should be honored by 

All and the marriage bed kept pure”

Hebrews 13:4

_ Wednesday 5:38 pm  _

Lucas

Did Dr. Brossard talk to you 

about the new treatment?

Lucas

Kathryn told me about it. It 

It seems like it could be great?

Mama

“Wives submit to your husbands as 

You do to the lord” Ephesians 5:22

Lucas

Please talk to me. 

Lucas

I’m coming up there this weekend

Weekend

Mama 

“A wife of Nobel character is her

Husbands crown but a disgraceful 

Wife is like decay in his bones”

Proverbs 12:4

Lucas

Mama you’re okay dont think

like that 

Lucas

Ill be there Saturday morning

Lucas

I’m excited to see you I’ve 

Missed you

_ Thursday 9:15 am _

Mama

Hi Lucas this is Kathryn. 

You’re mother asked me to text you

She is doing a lot better but I don't

 think it is the best time to visit. 

How about next weekend?

Lucas

How is she?

Mama

She’s better and she’s relaxed. The 

Episodes seems to have subsided 

But there is always the chance for 

Another even so soon after an episode. 

Lucas

Will you give her a big for me?

Lucas

and tell her i miss her 

Mama

Of course. She misses you too i just 

Dont think its best to get her too excited 

So soon after an episode 

She’s a little fragile right now. But she 

Loves you. 

_ Yesterday 10:56 pm _

 

Mama 

I’m so sorry Lucas 

Mama

I’m feeling more myself now but I’m not 

All the way back yet.

Mama

Could you come up next weekend?

I miss your smiling face. 

Lucas

No need to say sorry Mama

of curse ill be there i miss you too

Mama 

Okay ill see you then 

I love you honey 

Give my love to Eliott as well

Lucas

We love you too Mama 

 

Eliott thought back to last night. Eliott had a late class so he didn't get home until 11 Lucas was already in bed and he thought he was asleep. He remembers he thought he heard Lucas sniffling but he asked if Lucas was awake but he didn't get a response. 

 

Now Eliott knows better. Lucas was just silently crying while eliott was right there doing nothing. 

Eliott felt horrible. How could he not see this? Lucas mother was his family. She and Lucas had been suffering for weeks and he just didn't know ? What kind of a boyfriend was he. 

 

He silently handed the phone back to Lucas and tightened his hand around the boys shoulders to reassure himself that Lucas was really there. 

 

“Why didn’t you tell me?” He breathed out part of him too scared of the answer to voice the question out loudly. 

 

“I don’t know I-“ Lucas looked up collecting his thoughts.

 

“I didn’t want to bother you with it I guess?” He spoke quietly. Eliott was Hurt.

 

“Burden m-, Lucas? She is your mother, she is my family too what happens to her and what’s going on in her life is important to me, it's never a burden.” Eliott said shaking his head in disbelief.  

 

“I know. I really do know that it's just… when this kind of thing happens it just reminds me of everything we have been through and I hate having to remember my life that way. She has been so good for so long before my dad screwed it up just like he screwed up our lives before and it makes me remember... how broken my family really is. I just don't like remembering that that was my life.” Lucas finished quietly 

 

Elliot's face softened He pulled the boy into his arms 

 

“Your family is not broken Lucas. Yes, your dad did horrible things and I Wish I could take those memories so you don't have to live with them I really do. But, you have your mom who loves you, and Yann and Arthur and Basile and the girls and me. You will always have me. And we are not broken okay?” Eliott said firmly. 

 

Lucas nodded. Eliott has never said something with so much conviction before, with no room for negotiation Lucas had not choice but to believe him. 

 

“Okay.”

 

—————

 

They sat together for a while longer holding each other, Elliott laying on his back With Lucas pulled flush against his chest, talking about everything and nothing. Plans for a trip south in the summer, what to do for Arthur’s birthday, maybe painting their bedroom blue, a new recipe that Elliott found which will surely end in disaster. Just talking to talk.

 

After a while they both fell silent just wrapped up in each other enjoying the quiet moment. 

 

“I feel gross” Lucas said loudly wiping his nose on the back of his sleeve. 

Well so much for that quiet moment. 

 

Eliottt burst out laughing his chest vibrating underneath Lucas with every chuckle. He looked up fondly at the boy, his eyes sparkling, his cheeks blotchy, and pink his hair sticking up in every direction his nose rubbed raw on his sleeve. He was beautiful. 

 

He rolled them over so Luca was on his side on the couch then stood up holding his hand out for the boy 

 

“Come on.” He smiled down at him

 

Lucas raised his eyebrows but took Eliott’s had nonetheless and followed him. 

 

—————

 

Eliott led them to the bathroom. Lucas was so tired from his roller coaster of a day he just sat down on the toilet lid while Eliott turned the shower on. The hot water warmed the room almost instantly and the steam cleared his nose and soothed his raw throat relaxing his aching muscles. He closed his eyes for a second while his boyfriend went to get them clothes to change into. He felt Eliott fingers thread through his hair pushing it away from his face and kissing his forehead, he opened his eyes and everything was ready for them.

 

 “Showers ready babe, are you too tired?” Eliott asked his, still running his fingers through his hair.

 

“No no I’m good just give me a second” Lucas said rubbing his sleepy eyes trying to wake up enough to take a much needed shower. 

 

Eliott stood in front of him and started to undress himself, throwing his shirt into the hamper and kicking of his jeans and boxers. 

Lucas eyes were only half way open and his head was resting back against the wall but still let out a little wolf whistle to his boyfriend. 

Eliott chuckled shaking his head at his sleepy boyfriend. 

 

“Do you want me to help you get undressed.” Eliott asked both walking to stand right in front of Lucas with both hands on his shoulders squeezing them lightly. 

 

Lucas let out a little pfft. 

 

“Like that’s ever been a question” he giggled 

 

He held out his hands and Eliott pulled him up to a standing position. Lucas lifted his arms and attempted to pull his shirt over his head. It got stuck on his shoulders and he really didn't have the energy to care. 

 

“A little help please” he chuckled, his voice muffled but the cotton all wrapped around his head 

 

Eliott laughed at the sight of his boyfriend. 

 

“What am I gonna do with you?” He said, shaking his head. 

 

Eliott helped him pull his shirt over his head and then helped him get his pants and boxers off. 

 

When they were both finally undressed Eliott walked a tried Lucas into the shower. 

He closed the door behind him and pulled the shorter boy to his chest. 

 

Lucas was already close to passing out but now with the hot water pounding the knots out of his shoulders and Eliott's scent surround him as he pressed his face further into the taller boys neck he was really having a hard time staying awake. 

 

Eliott reached over and grabbed their coconut scented body was squeezing a heaping dollop on a wash cloth and rubbed it across Lucas back soothingly working the strain out of his muscles and cleaning the grime of the day off of him. He leaned him away to rub his chest and shoulders until he was squeaky clean. Eliott spent longer then he probably needed to washing Lucas but he wanted his boy to feel good and cared for and loved. 

 

Eliott took their sweet smelling shampoo bottle in his hands intending on washing Lucas hair but Lucas grappled his wrist. 

 

“Wait! I wanna do yours first.” Lucas said quietly 

 

Eliott chuckled but handed the bottle to Lucas nodding. 

 

Lucas took some of the shampoo into his hands and reached up on his tiptoes to scrub Eliott’s hair. He was struggling a bit with his balance which was much funnier to the taller boy then it probably should have been. He was stifling laughs while Lucas did a little jig failing to stay still on his toes. 

 

Lucas Huffed and smiled

 “You know you could actually help me instead of laughing like a jackass?”

 

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry” Eliott said still laughing but leant down resting his head on Lucas shoulder so the shorter boy wouldn’t have to reach so far up to him. 

 

Lucas shook his head laughing 

“Asshole” He said fondly. 

 

Lucas combed the shampoo through Elliot's hair. His nails massaging his scalp working the product into his hair and skin. The sweet smell wafting in the room mixing with the steam till it surrounded them.

After scrubbing his hair a lot longer then he definitely needed he pulled Eliotts head up from his shoulder. 

 

“There, squeaky clean.” He said with a smile.

Eliott smiled back at him turning around quickly to rinse out the shampoo before squeezing some onto his own palm. 

 

“My turn”

 

Lucas walked stood in front of him while Eliott scrubbed his hair. He massages his scalp and his temples then reached around to rub the back of his neck. 

 

Lucas was so relaxed he closed his eyes and let out a little sigh. He held onto Eliotts waist for balance rubbing his hands slowly up and down his sides. 

 

The repetitive motion luled them both into a trance. Lucas still had his eyes closed, feeling almost numb he was so relaxed. 

 

Eliott kissed his forehead, bringing him back to life. 

 

“Come one, lets go to bed.” Eliott smiled down at him. 

 

They stepped out of the shower drying themselves off pulled on some clean T-shirt’s and boxers then made their way to their bedroom. 

 

Lucas climbed into the bed instantly sinking deep into the cold clean sheets and pulled their comforter up to his chin. Eliott walked over and opened the curtains before turning the light off. His boyfriend never could sleep in a completely dark room. 

 

Eliott finally climbed into and instantly pulled Lucas tight into his arms. The shorter boys head was tucked safely under Eliotts chin and his ear was resting right above his heart.The steady thrumming of Eliotts heart comforting Lucas and sending him to the brink of sleep. 

 

But sleep didn’t come for Lucas. 

 

He laid there thinking about the good moments he and Eliott had, all the hugs, the talks, the kisses. But all those memories were being overshadowed by one big ugly one that sat in front of his mind. The only thing he saw when he closed his eyes. 

Eliott felt Lucas stiffen up more and more as they laid together. He rubbed his warm hands across Lucas back trying to soothe whatever was going on in his mind. 

 

“What are you thinking about?” Eliott whispered to Lucas. 

 

Lucas took a minute to respond not sure if it he should tell Eliott what was going through his head but they had been so.    honest with each other today he didn't want to break that. 

 

“You” he finally Settled on. It wasn’t untrue but it wasn’t the whole truth and Eliott knew that. 

 

He nodded and  tightened his grip on Lucas waist. 

 

Lucas was quiet after that and Eliott thought he had finally fallen asleep when Lucas spoke again quietly almost a whisper, like he didn’t actually want Eliott to hear him say it. 

 

“I…. I can't watch you do that again Eliott.” Lucas said his voice cracking and it broke Eliott's heart all over again.

“I just can’t”

 

Eliott nodded pulling him back to his chest trying to protect him from the world. 

 

“When I was younger” Lucas started then paused breathing for a moment 

 

 “When my parents were really starting to break apart, I watched my dad walk out on us over and over again. Every time he walked out that door I never knew if it was the last time I would ever see him until finally… it was.” 

 

Eliott tightened his arms around Lucas. His arms a barricade between Lucas and the world outside their bedroom. 

 

“I need you to do something for me.” 

 

“Anything” Eliott replied instantly Rubbing his hands across Lucas back and through his hair. 

 

“If you need space or, if we argue and you need some time away from me.. please, just please don’t walk out the door. Tell me you need to be alone and ill leave the minute you need it. I will leave you alone for as long as you need I promise just don't walk out on me because…” Lucas paused tears falling faster down his cheeks

 

 “I know I'll always come back to you. But you might not always come back to me.” Lucas was quiet expect the soft tears falling from his eyes. 

 

Eliott pulled him away with a hand on either side of his face. Eliott was heartbroken that Lucas felt this way. 

 

“Lucas… I” Eliott started but Lucas cut him off before his thought was even out. 

 

“I know it’s irrational. I know in my heart you love me and don’t want to leave me. I don’t doubt that even for a second when I’m good i trust you i promise but… in the bad times when my head and my heart aren’t on the same page I just… I need you to do this for me. To make me feel safe. Please.” 

 

“Okay” Eliott nodded. He had a soft expression on his face as he cupped Lucas face and wiped the tears spilling out of his eyes. He had cried so much today it’s amazing there’s any tears left. 

 

Lucas smiled up at him and smiled, nodding.

 

“Thank you.” 

 

They didn’t say anything for a while after that  they just looked at each other. Lying nose to nose breathing each other and the moment.  Eliott moved slowly and placed a kiss on Lucas forehead so gentle it almost hurt then another on his cheek before finally pressing their lips together. Eliott kissed Lucas soft but deeply into him trying to engrain Lucas with his love forever. 

 

They pulled apart and looked at each other again. Lucas tilted his head up and pressed a little kiss to the tip of Eliotts nose. 

 

Eliott smiled and pulled Lucas to him crushing him against his chest wrapping his arms around his shoulders and burying his face in his soft hair.  

 

Lucas wrapped his arms tightly around waist holding him close. 

 

“ I love you” Eliott said quietly,his lips pressing to words into Lucas skin, his voice muffled by their closeness.

“So so much”

 

Lucas squeezed his eyes closed entwined their legs and wrapped his arms impossibly tight around Eliotts waist.

 

“I love you too” He said. 

“So so much”

 

The End.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well its finally done i hope you liked it and found the ending satisfying. Please let me know what you thought of it I really want to know your thoughts!   
> Thank you!

**Author's Note:**

> This is the second time I’ve written anything ever so please be gentle!!   
> Im sorry if there are any mistakes i don’t have any experience writing so I’m not very good and I’m sure there are ton grammatical errors but i tried my best haha   
> Writing is actually really fun, knew lol 
> 
> I’d love if if y’all left a comment if you feel like it! 
> 
> Thank you for reading!   
> ❤️


End file.
